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Categories: Learning To Listen, Love, Marriage

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Everything Changes When We Understand

understandUnderstanding is extremely important when it comes to a healthy successful marriage.  When you are willing to understand each other, new vision and hope will emerge.  You will immediately become energized to work on your marriage, even if it is ripe with trouble.  Here is a story that illustrates how everything changes when we understand. How our understanding can effect our willingness to stick to a difficult relationship.

Once there was a boy who lived with his mother and grandfather.  His grandfather was not really an elderly man, but he was confined to a wheelchair and had very little use of his arms.  His face was badly scarred, and he had a difficult time swallowing his food.

Every day the little boy was assigned the task of going into his grandfather’s room and feeding him lunch.  This the little boy did faithfully, but not joyously.  It was quite a mess to feed Grandfather.

As the boy grew into adolescence, he became weary of his responsibility.  One day he stormed into the kitchen and announced that he had had enough.  He told his mother, “From now on, you can feed Grandpa.”

Very patiently his mother turned from her chores, motioned for her son to sit down, and said, “You are a young man now.  It is time you know the whole truth about your grandfather.”  She continued, “Grandpa has not always been confined to a wheelchair.  In fact, he used to be quite an athlete. When you were a baby, however, there was an accident.”

The boy leaned forward in his chair as his mother began to cry.

She said, “There was a fire.  Your father was working in the basement, and he thought you were upstairs with me.  I thought he was downstairs with you.  We both rushed out of the house.  Your grandfather found you, wrapped you in a wet blanket, and made a made a mad dash through the flames.  He brought you safely to your father and me.

“He was rushed to the emergency room suffering from second-and third-degree burns as well as smoke inhalation.  The reason he is the way he is today is because of what he suffered the day he saved your life.”

By this time the boy had tears in his eyes as well.  He never knew; his grandfather never told him. And with no conscious effort on his part, his attitude changed.  With no further complaints, he picked up his grandfather’s lunch tray and took it to his room.

Once you understand why your husband acts that way, or why your wife thinks that way, it will change how you feel about him or her, though nothing has really changed.  Compassion will come with an accompanying perseverance—all because you now understand.  I cannot overstate the importance of how everything changes when we understand.

My Love Notes From God




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Categories: Learning To Listen

Learning To Listen With Your Heart

I looked down at my infant grand-daughter as she was crying. She was trying to tell me something. She couldn’t speak the words so she was trying to communicate in the only way she knew how. Crying would get someones attention and then her needs would be met.

As we grow older we learn the art and skills of communication. We learn how to get under brothers skin so we can get him in trouble. Or snuggle up to grandpa and get that cookie that looks so good sitting on the counter.

From infancy to young children to adults, we learn how to communicate our needs to everyone that will give us or get us what we want or what we need. I believe we are living with a society that was raised and given anything that their little hearts desired. They have turned their wants into feeling that they are needs.They demand them and feel that this is their right to have these things. I have seen it in my own family and i am sure many of you have seen it in yours as well.

Unfortunately we have grown up to believe that the world owes me and should listen to what I am crying about. Not so. I grew up thinking this way and it was a long and hard journey to realize that as long as I was always yacking with my mouth, I wasn’t hearing what anybody else had to say and I was never going to learn and grow if I didn’t learn the fine art of listening with your heart.

I know what your going to say, “The squeaky wheel gets the oil”. Sad to say, most of the time that is true. People who talk a lot are usually in sales. They are people that move up the ladder faster. They step on every bodies toes to get where they are going and to be heard. They are always running a hundred miles an hour, and never stop to smell the roses. They don’t know how.

But most of the people that I know that are like this are never really happy. They struggle with relationships. People are usually tools to them in the pursuit of getting what they want. They are still in that babies crib crying for their needs to be met.

I too was on this road until I met a person who actually listened to me. Most people don’t know how to listen. They go through the motions like they are listening, but they aren’t. They are just looking for the first exit out the door. But this person became a very close friend of mine. I liked talking to him because he listened. I mean he really listened, and he cared, he really cared. I could tell, he was not faking it.

The biggest sign that told me he was really listening to me, was when he would remember what I said. He would, days latter, ask me about how something, that I talked to him about, was going. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Somebody really listened to what I said. I felt important. I felt valued, but most of all, I felt loved.

I grew up in a home that everybody talks and no one listens. Everyone just talks over everyone else. To this day, when we get together as a family, it is just a big noise of people talking, and talking loud, so as to be heard. I would just look around at this chaotic mess of words flying into empty space and no one is hearing them, let alone understanding them.

Well I quickly learned it was not easy to undo what years of talking had done. I had to re-program myself and force myself to learn to listen. Now I don’t mean just sitting still and being quiet and letting the other person talk. If this was all it took, you might as well talk to a wall. Walls will probably listen to you just as well as anybody else would. You have to learn to hear and understand with your heart. You heard the old saying. ” God gave you two ears and one mouth.” That should tell you something.

I have a business that I run. Learning MLM secrets. Now, I know a lot of people that do their business with their mouths, but that is the old fashioned way. I do business with my ears now. People buy from people that they trust. When I found a friend that listened to me and took the time to learn who I am, I trusted him. I liked him, because he gave me something that no one else ever did. He gave me his precious time and he listened to me. He didn’t say it with words, but with his heart he was saying, “ Brian, your important to me, and I care about you”. For you business people, you will get a lot more sales when you learn the skill of listening with your heart.

Not only will listening with your heart do wonders for your business, but wait till you try it at home. Your wife will think that you died and someone has taken over your body. Your kids will actually want to help you around the house. Because they will have found, not just a dad, but a dad who wants to take time listening with your heart. You’ll make them feel important, valued, and most of all…..loved.

Try it. It won’t be an easy transition, but with constant work, you will nail it down and get really good at it. It will change your life.

Brian Gosur

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