Aug

13

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Categories: Encouragement

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Who’s Your Emotional Punching Bag?

Life is full of emotions and feelings. We are surrounded and raised, from the time we enter this world, on feelings and emotions. They mold us and form us into what and who we become. This is a given. There is no way around this fact. We do not choose the parents we have or the house we are going to be raised in.

Some have been raised, and their lives have been molded, by homes that have been built on guilt and shame, stress and anxiety. These are lives that will grow up with anger and depression problems. Every day will be a struggle for them. They will know no other way, but to push and shove their way through life trying to find that emotional balance that will lead to happiness and a good self image. The environment that we live in will dictate what kind of foundation or platform our personalities and characters will be poured into. This will set the stage of what kind of struggles we will face that will make us who we become.

I was raised in a home that the word “love” was never spoken, except when we were all going to bed. We would recite back to my parents, “goodnight, I love you”. It become so much a part of us and our routine, that we would just say it without much thought or meaning behind the words. That pretty much described the environment I grew up in. Words had no meaning and never were taken at face value. There were always under lying motivations behind what people said. Their true feelings and emotions could never be put on display. Although I have made almost a complete turn around from this training, I still struggle with this to the present day, and probably always will.

When I looked at my mom and dad, I saw all the struggles and the life and environment that they had to grow up in. They were just doing the best that they could with what they had been given. They loved me and did the best that they knew how. They could never breakout of the pattern that was set in motion during the formative years of their lives.

Because of my foundation and environment, my personality and character were poured into a mold that didn’t fit me. It wasn’t until I grew up and went out to form a life of my own, that I really grew up. I realized who I really was. My strengths and my weaknesses and everything that made me….me. With a new pattern to follow, I have peace. I’m not saying there are no more struggles, because there are, but with a new me, I now have a new arsenal of weapons against the enemies of the past and the circumstances of the future.

I met Jesus Christ along the road called life, and He used people and circumstances to show me who I really was. Through His word, He put me into the mold that fit me like a glove. The one that He had always intended for me all along.

My wife came from a horrid back ground. Both physical and emotional abuse from a father who had an even worse back ground then hers. Those emotional scares are passed down from generation to generation. It’s a never ending cycle.

There is a statement that my wife often talks about that is as vivid in her memory banks as if it just happened yesterday. Her father told her, that it looked like she was smuggling two watermelons in her hips. That statement was ingrained into her and she struggles with her physical appearance to this day. Now my wife is a very beautiful women. I mean no disrespect to any of the thin women out there, but God gave women to have those curves and those hips that give them the shape that drives men crazy. Marilyn Monroe was a shapely size twelve. But those words spoken to her over thirty years ago, still follow her around like an emotional assassin, trying to kill anything good that comes into her life.

Do you remember a statement or a name that people used to call you when you were young? Does it still sting you today? How words can build us up and also can be so damaging. High schools can be some of the most dangerous places, not just physical, but emotional as well.

My father always told me I was never going to amount to anything. I was stupid and was only going to be a garbage man for the rest of my life. I know that he said those words out of frustration and anger, but they still hurt. Be careful of your words.

Some Forms of Emotional Abuse

  1. Humiliating name calling using profanity
  2. Deliberately embarrassing someone – especially in public
  3. Controlling someones movement and activities
  4. Isolating someone from friends and family
  5. Controlling financial resources
  6. Withholding information or resources

Some people use the environment they grew up in as an excuse to have their way with people. They have no desire to be anything but how they were raised. If you were raised on a good platform, that’s a good thing. Be who you are and accentuate your strengths. Help those who may be going down the same path that you have traveled. But when you think about it…we all have a little baggage that we carry around. We could all use a little tweaking.

In conclusion, take a long hard look in the mirror. What do you really see? Be honest, because your dishonesty can hurt so many people. You see when I walk around with a defective me, it effects all my family, friends, co-workers, spouse, and all those people who love and want to be close to me. My inability, or just down right hardness of heart, will lead to grief, causes of depression, emotional stress, and anger problems, and someone that you really cares about me…and someone that loves me and really desires to get close to me, won’t be able too. Why?…because I have made them my emotional punching bag. I need to let all this pain out somewhere and on somebody and it is always the one who sees who I really am and loves me anyway. This is always the person who we beat up day after day after day. We are driving away the one, and maybe only person, who really loves us for who we are, and despite the hits they stay. Because they really care.

When the storms of life toss you to and fro, and all the smoke clears… look to see who is at your right… and who is at your left. Those are your real friends. Those are the people who really love you.

Brian Gosur

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