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Categories: Marriage

Marriage and Compromise

The word compromise is defined as,” an agreement reached by adjustment”. That is a very good definition because that is exactly what compromise is. It takes an adjustment on both sides to reach the agreement. Unfortunately that is not what people do to complete their definition of the word compromise.

Because their is one human characteristic that is formed very early in everyone’s life, and makes it nearly impossible to achieve the true meaning of the word compromise to ever exist in anyone. That is the me, my syndrome. Selfishness.

Let me give you an example. Do you ever have to teach a child how to lie? Or if a child sees another child playing with a toy that they want, they just go over and take it. You don’t ever have to school them on how to do this. They have it all down by the time they are two years old. Then they know how to inflict pain to get that toy from the other child if that child resists, and then lie about how it was the other child fault because he hit you first. I know all about this, and you know all about this if you are human.

Now if these same kids have learned how to do all this by the time they are two years old, imagine how much they have mastered this art by the time they have had twenty years of training and experience watching you and me. If you have children or grand-children, I know you have all seen this in action.

Now if this trend is not corrected, these children grow up to be adults, and those adults go off into various careers. Politics, attorneys, bankers…..well, you get my drift. They also go on to become partners in holy matrimony. (when was the last time you heard marriage referred to as holy matrimony)

I believe we are at a crossroads in America today. We have so many of these children that have entered into adulthood taking with them that same selfish arrogant attitude, and are now using it with great accuracy on the other individuals that they come across every day of their lives. If I don’t get what I want, I will lie, cheat, and inflict pain, (emotional pain), on anyone that gets in my way.

Now I know this doesn’t apply to everyone, but it applies to a good portion of people today.

I grew up like this. I was a horrible person to be around. I used all these with exact skill. I had some of the best teachers also. It was not until I met Jesus Christ, that my life finally turned around.

People like this do not make good marriage partners. They are not willing to compromise. To them compromise is when you give me what I want. When I went into an argument with my wife, I was planning on how I was going to win, not compromise.

For those of you who are in these types of marriages, I know how difficult it can be. You can never win when you are up against someone who is uncompromising, selfish, and never able to look at themselves in the mirror and see who they really are. That is what has to happen before there can be any real change.

What about you. Do you compromise? Or do you go into that marriage with fight in your eyes and the attitude that you are going to take what you want. You’re not going to give in. You have rights!

The greatest act of love is to serve. If you want to be first, become last. Even if you are getting battered and beat up by your marriage partner, learn to compromise. Go that extra mile. Over time they will see the difference, and soon they will be able to look into the mirror and see someone that they never saw before. Someone totally new and different.

I will end with this story that I heard a while back.

A man’s wife was in a terrible auto accident. She was a very beautiful women. The doctors said it was a miracle that she was even alive. They had done some surgery on her face and did a wonderful job at restoring her facial features back to what they were before the tragic accident, but warned the husband that her lips would always be crooked and angled to one side.

The day came when the husband was going to see her for the first time since the surgeries on her face. He walked into the room slowly. His wife was sitting up on her bed. She was afraid he would never look at her the same, and maybe never kiss her again. No words were spoken. He very gently walked over to her…..as he angled his face and lips so that they would fit right into hers…..he kissed her so tenderly. With tears streaming down her face, they embraced, and all her fears she had disappeared.

That’s called compromise my friend. Adjusting yourself to reach an agreement for the good of someone else.

Brian Gosur

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2 Responses

  1. Beautiful

  2. Thank you Naomi. And thank you for taking the time to leave your comment.

    God bless

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